"She's the love of my life... oh, so is she, and she, and she!"

First of all, happy Lunar New Year everyone!

I meant to blog about this a few days ago when I was thinking really deeply about this topic but then, what with several things popping up one after another, it's only now that I have the time to get over my crises, take a deep breath, and sit down in front of my computer and relax.

Before I go on further, let me just rant about something.

I HATE CHINESE NEW YEAR SHOWS AND SONGS.

Seriously. I have the TV on as I'm typing but I'm sorely irritated by it. Mediacorp artistes are dancing around with big grins, singing horrible CNY songs off-key, and the hosts are enthusiastic and screaming and cooing over every single unimpressive performance.

And I think CNY songs, far from being cheery and upbeat and injecting the CNY mood into me, in fact does the exact opposite - I just get incredibly irritated and grumpy and the cymbals clashing and techno beats give me a headache.

So guys, if you ever see me, don't greet me with a loud "Gong xi gong xi!" or whatever to that effect. I'll tell you "Gong xi your lan pa."

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Anyway, my inspiration for this post was a friend of mine, let's call him T. T and his girlfriend broke up a few months ago.

In these few months, T has been incredibly depressed and understandably so. I remember how he always used to say that his ex-girlfriend was the love of his life, how he misses her terribly, and how he will never have another relationship (or at least not so soon) because no girl can ever match up to her, and because he loves her more than anything in this world.

All I can say to this is, he's probably a very changeable and adaptable person because he found someone new in about 2 months.

There's nothing wrong in finding someone new. You're single and available, you think you're ready for it, go ahead by all means. But the issue is, don't declare to the world that the ex was "the love of your life" one month and the next month declare to the world that New Girl is "the love of your life". Isn't that a little, erm, quick? Dude, the loves of your life must travel at the speed of light.

I think sometimes, people just don't know the difference between love and like. Or even love and lust. Case in point: Myself. I loved my ex-boyfriend very very much, there was no doubt about it. When he left me for someone else, I rebounded pretty quickly too. But I always knew for certain that the rebound was NOT The One, and indeed not the love of my life. I liked Mr. Rebound a lot, I really did. I was utterly in lust with him too and spent my days scheming how I would get him into bed.

But I always knew: If there was someone destined to be the love of my life, it wasn't him.

Anyway, isn't it oxymoronic telling people you have one love of your life one moment and another one the next? Doesn't the phrase "love of my life" in itself mean that in your whole life, there can only be this one person whom you will love and cherish with an all-consuming, all-encompassing love?

Of course, T's life is his to lead and I definitely have no right to tell him what to do. But from what I know of New Girl, she seems to be manipulative, cunning, has no direction in life other than to get as drunk as possible on as many days as possible, and hops easily from bed to bed. I may be way too judgemental here, considering that I haven't seen New Girl that many times, but I saw enough to know that she had T wrapped around her little finger and made him spend recklessly on her.

And even if I can't judge her on her character because I don't know her well enough to, I can say this about her face and figure: If T's ex-girlfriend was a Lexus, New Girl is a rusty bicycle with only one tyre and no bell.

Frankly, T is reminding me strongly of my ex-boyfriend. The ex was even worse than T, actually, considering how he decided that The Slut was the love of his life (there, the same phrase is used too!) one week after knowing her, even though she was married with 2 kids and screwing 3 or 4 different men at the same time. That was like a downgrade from a Jaguar to walking. In torn slippers.

What really boggles my mind is, how can someone claim to love someone so much that he's willing to give up the world for her, but then say the same thing really quickly about someone new?

And if you decide you want to move on to someone new, all power to you, but choose wisely! Don't latch on to the first available thing you see crossing your path! Chances are, that first available thing not only isn't going to last the stretch with you, but is probably shittier than your last relationship. And this is exactly what is happening to my friend T. He is putting himself through torture, and there really is no need to.

Love isn't a game. It isn't something to be exchanged, shifted, moved, bartered, or switched at whim. It's a long road to walk, and there are potholes along the road that you may fall into. But you know what? You don't walk that road alone. You walk it with someone; that person that you truly love. You help each other to look out for potholes and avoid them. And after every pothole, before you hit the next one, the road is smooth, beautiful, and you can enjoy being with each other.

Do you really think a rusty bicycle with only one tyre and no bell will stick around to drag you out when you fall into a pothole on that road? It wouldn't have the ability or the inclination. And so you're left alone trying to claw yourself out, but it's too late to mend your broken heart, or recoup your money, or clean up the mess.

It'll be too late for you to learn, what is the real meaning of the love of your life.